April 23-27 marks the annual National Infertility Awareness Week.  1 in 8 will struggle with infertility of some kind.  Unfortunately, it’s more common that most realize because there is still a stigma around infertility and the inability to reproduce “normally”.  I am this 1 in 8.

Approximately 7 years ago, I was finding out for the first time, that I was finally going to be a mom.  A dream I had been waiting for for 3 years was finally coming true!  Back then, I had no idea just how common fertility issues were.  I wasn’t connected with any type of support group much less know anyone personally who had been affected by it in their life.  But after I began sharing with others our situation and how we were finally able to become pregnant, it’s like the stories came out of the woodwork!  I started to realize I wasn’t the only one in my situation and I began to feel less “broken” in my barrenness.

I went on to have a healthy pregnancy and deliver a very healthy (but a little early!) baby boy!  Lincoln entered our world on December 22, 2011 and has changed it for the better ever since!  I got to join the “mom club” that I so desperately wanted to be a part of!  I was no longer on the outside wanting in, I was a part of it!

A few years went by.  Eric and I had always hoped for more children, but had also accepted that if we were a one kid family, that was OK.  The financial burden of fertility treatment is real and so we never saw ourselves being in the position to afford it again!  Until I discovered my new health insurance benefits would cover all of the procedures and medications!  Suddenly, even though I was already a part of the “mom club”, I felt like an outsider again.  I wanted so badly to experience all of it over again from the beginning!  We went to work right away to make that dream reality, assuming it would be easier the 2nd time.  We knew what to expect and it worked the first time, so why not now?!

Fast forward to 4 failed transfers in a year and facing my 5th transfer the Fall of 2016.  I could hardly believe I had been through that much and was still fighting for it.  I just felt like our family wasn’t complete yet and I needed to keep trying, so we did.  And I was so thankful that I did, because just a few weeks later, I was announcing our 2nd pregnancy!  It took a lot to get there, but boy was it worth it!

I went through my first trimester like most, feel nauseous, bloated, tired and irritable, but again it was so incredible to be at this point!  We talked baby names and eventually started to get the baby room a little bit established.  But at 16 weeks, my world came crashing to an abrupt halt and I joined a club I prayed I never would.  We lost our Isaiah and the family of 4 we had been envisioning here on Earth, changed forever.

c  Infertility was hard enough but to have lost the baby we tried for and prayed for for so long was absolutely devastating to a whole other level.  I dealt with depression and anxiety for over a year as we continued with the fertility treatments with our remaining 5 embryos, each one of them never developing into a pregnancy.  I was crushed and upset.  Why did I ever want to join that stupid club anyway?  We were happy as a family of 3!  I was so fortunate already to have my son, our IVF story had been a success up until all of this failure, why did I push the envelope!  Many women would give anything (and do give so much!) for just 1!

The difference between my first go with IVF and my last 8 (aside from success vs. failures) was the support I had around me.  In my first IVF, we had told family and they were great and surrounded us in love and prayer.  But in the 2nd, I had found my “tribe” of online women, struggling on the same road as me.  Their success felt like a victory for me and when my failures came one after the other, I was able to share that burden with them and they understood like most of my family and close friends, were unable to do.  In opening up about my journey, I also met several others outside of that online support group and was able to establish real friendships built on sad and lonely experiences.  I cherish these friendships so much and if you are one of them, I’m so glad you’re in my life now!

The 1 in 8 can be lonely, embarrassing, depressing and the list of negative emotions go on and on.  As with any challenge you may be faced with (infertility or other), the difference between surviving it or letting it eat you alive can be found in the support you find for yourself.  I encourage you to take control of your crummy situation and seek out others who can get what you’re going through.  Today’s social media platforms allow this to be so much easier and a feeling of normalcy is allowed in a safe place, even if you’re not ready to share the struggle with the entire world.  I know I couldn’t have pushed beyond all our failures had I not sought out the extra support early on.

This week will forever be a week I remember.  Not only is it National Infertility Awareness Week and I am 1 in 8, but it’s also the week we confirmed we’re pregnant!  We are so thrilled to announce that we are expecting Baby Reuer # 3 on January 1, 2019!