How is it possible that already a year has gone by? Has it really been a year since I last laid eyes on you and sobbed over your lifeless body? How can I still hurt this much  if time heals all wounds?

The truth is, I will never be healed, not completely. There will always be a part of me missing, like a phantom limb, which at times aches even in its physical absence.

In this lifetime, I will not know your smile, your eye color or your giggle. But I dream of these things often. Not a day goes by that I don’t remember you, how you left this world and envision what could have been if God had allowed. I look forward to our reunion day, to the long embrace and the tears of joy! I love you so very much without knowing you because God still created me to be your mom!

This day is filled with sadness for me. I try to hold it together, but something is missing.  We try to celebrate you, do something special to honor the short life you had as I carried you and find ways to praise God from whom all blessings flow.  This is a difficult day, one I will remember each year and the memories it holds and try to find the joy. I love you with all I am, Isaiah, and nothing will ever change that. If we are ever blessed with the gift of another little life in our future, you will still hold the same special place in my heart that you do now. You are forever my son and will always hold a purpose in my life.