I’ve been through this play act so many times, it’s got to end eventually, right?!  But thus far, my efforts haven’t made the cut and I’m still standing here trying to get it right.  I’ve changed medications, regimen, diet, exercise…you name I’ve tried it and it all feels futile!

Incase you can’t tell by the title, we’re preparing for yet another transfer.  Still trying for a baby (Act 3), transferring 2 embryos we have frozen already (Scene 2) and our 7th attempt (Take 7) in the last 2 years.

It’s really disheartening when I read that back 😦  I can’t believe I’m still here 2 years later and that I’ve gone through this process 7 times…and I’m still going!!!!  I’m either really strong or really stupid…it just depends on who you ask I guess.  Which ever it is, I just don’t know how to quit when there is still that chance to bring home a baby.  So for now, we just keep going until we know we can’t.

Today I had my follow up appointment to check my lining and see if it’s cooperating this time.  The last 2 transfers have been cancelled due to lining issues so I went in to this appointment today expecting the worst but hoping for the best.  Unfortunately, we didn’t get what we hoped for.

Instead we found that my lining is still very thin.  I’m not left feeling overly confident, but it’s still early and so they’ve changed up my protocol again, added in some additional estrogen pills and shots to give me a boost, and I’ll follow up again on Monday morning to see how things progressed over the weekend.

My biggest fear is that come Monday, things haven’t improved enough and we have to delay again.  I’m at the point in this 2 year journey, that I just want to get off the ride!  I’ve come to terms that we may be a single kid family.  I can handle this. I feel forever fortunate to have the incredible son I have and beyond blessed to be a mom already.  But right now, I just feel stuck in limbo.  I want to move forward as a family of 3, but while those embryos are sitting in that freezer, I know I will just always wonder “what if” if we don’t thaw them and give it another try.  I wish I could skip to the end of the script, read the last chapter to see how it all plays out and prepare myself for my role in life moving forward, but I can’t….

Only the Director {God} knows how this one goes and how my story will unfold on Monday.  In the meantime, I’d really appreciate prayers that my body will respond as we hope and that I’m able to report good news after next week’s visit!