Anymore, I always brace myself for bad news when going in to see the doctor.  I hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.  Today was no different.

Today I had my baseline ultrasound for our next IVF cycle.  I haven’t been in since my last surgery and didn’t know what to expect today.  We hoped to see a clear picture on the ultrasound, a smooth surface to work with for our next transfer, and that is just what we found!!!!!

The uterine lining was thin {what we want to see at this point} and my hormone levels were nice and low {another great sign!} and physically, I look ready to go.  Emotionally, I think it will get harder again when we get closer to transfer, but I’m ready to move forward.  We scheduled my next appointments and got the scripts for my meds and reviewed the process.  My doctor is changing up nearly everything we’re doing.  I won’t have to take nearly as many shots {awesome news!} and may not need to use the estrogen patches that make me break out in rashes and itch uncontrollably {another win!}.  She is concerned however, with my lining and how it may or may not progress.

The uterine lining is important for the embryo to implant.  It has to reach a certain thickness or implantation would be impossible.  I’ve never had issues with my lining in the past, always been great in that area actually, but D&C’s and miscarriages are known to wreak havoc on this apparently 😦  I was instructed to take some over the counter supplements as well as cut caffeine out.  Apparently caffeine makes a significant difference to the blood flow….and I’m more than eager to give that up if it means the difference between a transfer and no transfer!  I’ll also be starting acupuncture again to reduce stress and also promote the lining!

I’ve already started on some oral estrogen today and will follow up in a week to do blood work to ensure the dosage I’m taking is working.  The following week I’ll have another ultrasound and then some more labs.  And then, as long as all goes well between now and then and my body responds as it should, the big day is scheduled for May 24th!!!!  I’m beyond excited to finally have this on the books!

The memory of the miscarriage is still always close and the fear of it happening again is always there.  I would be over 7 months at this point if life had not taken a different path.    I’m reminded of that every time I see someone with a cute baby bump or hear of another pregnancy announcement or see a sweet newborn.  This is always conflicting for me.  I’m happy for the healthy pregnancy and babies others are experiencing, but it still hurts to envision where I would have been in my own.  I make the very conscious decision to not dwell in what could have been and move forward with where I am now in life.  I think about the positives I have all around me, I’ll flip through our photos of Isaiah, and I think through how this tragedy has brought me closer to friends and family and deepened my faith.  Those are truly positive things!!!

Overall, this was a really good day!  To top it off, it’s Friday and it’s GORGEOUS outside!