If you’re been following along (I know….it’s been awhile since I’ve updated!), in January of this year, I shared that the couple who blessed us by adopting out our 5 remaining embryos was pregnant with twins. It’s been approximately 11 months since I shared that update and so you can safely assume, those two have come into this world and are living out the lives that God intended for them. They’ve impacted many in such a positive way already with their special story. They’ve also likely impacted their parents with lack of sleep and overwhelmed emotions of bringing home 2 brand new babies!!

Of course, I shared the exciting news with close family and friends when we learned of their birth this summer, but I never had the right words to take to the blog. So many emotions hit me when I got that email, sharing their names, birthday and precious, precious photos. My heart melted and a wave a gratitude and love came over me. I was so honored and humbled to be a part of their story. To have such a special, unique and ultimately unknown relationship and bond with these two lives was overwhelming. I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt about it all and wanted to be sure I got it right. I can honestly say now, months later, there has never been feelings of doubt or wonder if we make the right decision. I have never felt like they were in the “wrong” home. I never felt guilty of abandonment to them. For this, I am so grateful.

I have peace that Eric and I made the right decision, that we did what every parent strives to do and give their children the best opportunity to thrive in life. Now, I wouldn’t call these children “our children”. We may share genes with them and likely some physical traits, but they are 100% the children of their adoptive mom & dad. I hope that doesn’t come off as if I don’t think of or care for them. I just mean that I so deeply respect the necessary relationship & title boundaries and would never try to name them as “our children”. I only mean to say, for the time that they were ours, as embryos, we loved them like their parents do now and would do anything to see them raised up in a loving, healthy and safe home. And that’s the choice we made for them, and we are so very thankful that we did 🙂

When I tell people of our unique story I often times am met with awe and wonder. Most people think it’s “beautiful”, “selfless” or “neat” but couldn’t imagine being in the situation to make that choice. My response is what it has always been….it was our only choice. We could not even consider another option. I know that in today’s world it is controversial to consider embryos as life, but now living this out, seeing photos of two beautiful children that are a direct result of our decision for life, knowing a couple has grown into a family, I don’t have the capacity to see embryos as anything other than life. This is my story and my truth and although it’s “untraditional”, it’s beautiful.

I hope that more couples who have suffered infertility and have been ultimately blessed in growing their family, will consider embryo adoption a more realistic option. I understand it’s a very personal decision and can be hard to come to grips with, but just like anything else in this life, God will give you the strength to make the choice He’s calling you to make. Don’t be afraid to trust Him, don’t be afraid to have hard emotions about that calling and lean in to knowing that He has your best interest in mind.

To our 2 amazing genetic humans out there, I hope you will always know and feel how loved you have been and always will be. Not only by your mom, dad and extended family. Not only by us in South Dakota who may share some traits with you. But most importantly by the God who created you and knows your story better than anyone else. I think of you daily. I wonder what you each look like, the things you’re experiencing (and will continue to experience) as you grow, your milestones and the kind of people you’ll become. Always trust and know that God has big plans for you both. I hope to watch those plans unfold from a distance and one day know you both on a more personal level. Until then, you’re each in my prayers and a part of our shared story and our hearts.

With the sincerest and most selfless love,

Kayla

August 22nd is National Rainbow Baby Day in the USA.  The concept of a “Rainbow Baby” seems to have exploded in the last several years.  Women are becoming more comfortable opening up and talking about their losses, but with the arrival of a new life, there can be guilt felt in that joy.  A “Rainbow Baby” is a beautiful way of acknowledging both the storm and then the beauty that follows and remembering God’s promises to us always.

This week has been a busy one.  Lincoln went back to school and started 1st grade {I know, how is that possible!??!!}  And we also got to see a glimpse {well, really, lots of glimpses} of Baby at our 21 week U/S 🙂

We received overall, a really good report of how Baby is doing!  We confirmed he is CERTAINLY a boy, there was no denying it!

We also saw him moving and flipping around, so much so that we didn’t get to see his cute little face too much. It proved to me what I already knew to be true….this is one active baby! I am constantly feeling him kick and do summersaults inside my growing womb!  Hopefully he’ll settle down a little as he gets more cramped in his quarters!

After 20 minutes or so of watching Baby and getting snap shot after snap shot, the tech brought the doctor in who reviewed everything that they saw.  There were 2 somewhat unusual things that they noticed on him that we needed to be made aware of.  1) He has a small dark spot on his heart that can be a soft marker for Downs.  Generally it is seen in combination with other indicators of Downs, but here they are only seeing this dark spot.  Immediately I breathed some relief that it wasn’t more serious.  If we have a child with Downs, we will love him unconditionally, just like his brother.  And also, Lincoln had this same dark spot on his heart and it turned out to be nothing, so this really was not anything alarming to us.

2) He has a two vessel umbilical cord instead of a three vessel umbilical cord like most babies.  What this means is he has 1 vein and 1 artery coming from his umbilical cord to me to carry the nutrients to him and the waste away.  Most babies will have 1 vein and 2 arteries.  Apparently this happens in about 1% of pregnancies and is unknown why it happens but is also more common in IVF pregnancies than the old fashioned kind.  This again can be an indicator of something more serious, but everything else on him, including all his organs, looked great.  The doctor was not too alarmed but advised we would have to monitor his growth closely due to this {and the fact that we are IVF} to ensure he is keeping up with growth and ridding of the waste.  He was measuring right at 15oz, exactly where he should be!

Sunday and Monday leading to the appointment on Tuesday, I was all sorts of nerves.  My mind raced with all the possibilities of things gone wrong that we could find.  Even though I’m feeling Baby move around constantly, I still have fear of ‘what if his heart stops’.  With Lincoln, I never dreamed or worried of loosing him during pregnancy, I was too consumed by the fact that I was even pregnant there was no room doubt.  But now I’ve been stripped of the naivety to think things can’t and don’t go wrong from time to time.  Now instead of only excitement leading into a doctor visit, it’s accompanied by anxiety and fear.  This is the price of loss and having a Rainbow Baby.

I felt so much relief leaving the doctors office that day, but the cloud of doubt is never far from my mind.  Each time I feel him move, I cherish that little kick.  I also think of Isaiah and wonder how big his kicks would have been.  As I mentioned before, there is guilt felt with the joy of this Baby.  Guilt of loosing Isaiah and feeling like I’ve “moved on” or that we are “replacing” him. But I know that’s not the case.  God had a purpose for his little life and he’s changed me from his short presence.  But now, God has made room in our hearts and lives for this little one and we are excited {and terrified} to see how the next 19 weeks go!

We can’t wait to hold our little Rainbow 🙂

It’s been several weeks since I shared our exciting news.  Honestly, I haven’t been able to sit down and write an update to our story because I have daily fear that if I do, some how, that that will be the beginning of the end….again.  I’m terrified of writing “that update”.

Today marks 12 weeks.  I’m nearly to the end of my first trimester.  I’ve had bi-weekly appointments since we found out we’re expecting and each appointment has started with fear & anxiety and ended in deep breathes & signs of relief.  So far, so good.

I haven’t shared yet how and when I learned that I was finally with child. To give you the shortened version, I found out only 4 days after my transfer!  For those of you not familiar with all the timing in IVF, this is crazy early!!!  I knew I was pregnant at only 2 1/2 weeks along….this is a good 2-4 weeks before most realize they’ve even missed their period.  With the discovery so early on, Eric and I began to brace ourselves for the news of twins.

I went in for my formal blood work about a week after I learned of the news!  I tested with the pee stick daily (may twice daily most days!).  My HCG came back at 204.3!  This not only confirmed the pregnancy but relieved so much anxiety.  This number was 4 times higher than the first number I received with Isaiah.   I went back in, just 2 days later and it over doubled to 504.7!  Things were off to a great start, but no way to tell if this meant one or two babies.

At my 6 week appointment I remember feeling excitement and nerves as that day approached.  My mom joined us for the appointment and we all got the first glimpses of the miracle going on in my body.  We confirmed just 1 healthy heartbeat!  My RE doctor was so very excited for us, it finally worked!  I don’t even remember everything we discussed, but I was on Cloud 9 and honestly felt relief that there was just 1 heartbeat and only 1 baby to worry about.  Twins would surely have been a blessing and we would have had all of the love in the world for both of those babies, but with 2 babies comes so many more complications, pre & post natal.

At my 8 week appointment, I was a wreck.  I had already been feeling nauseous and tired and I knew these were good signs, but I couldn’t shake the paralyzing fear that the heartbeat may not be there anymore.  That morning, I learned of another’s loss at 17 weeks pregnant.  I bawled for her and her family.  I bawled for her little boy gone too soon.  I sobbed for my Isaiah and our loss and I sobbed for fear of facing this possible outcome again.  I was able to pull myself together enough to go to my appointment, but as I lay on the table waiting for the ultrasound tech to start, I again began to panic.  I held my breath, praying silently that everything would check out.  And then I saw it, I saw the heartbeat and I instantly broke down, unable to hold in my anxiety any longer.  The ultrasound tech could tell I was on edge and she took extra time for us to look in awe at our precious child.  She measured the heartbeat, strong at 176.  I then asked if we could hear it, I needed to hear it that day.  She said they don’t normally listen for it this early because it exposes the baby to more than necessary, but she was willing if we were wanting that.

Any parent knows that sounds of your unborn baby’s heartbeat is one of the sweetest sounds that has ever graced this earth!  Tears streamed down the sides of my face as I lay there, breathing in and out, waves of emotions and angst leaving my body.  Everything was going to be ok, today.

We then met with the PA to review the scan and talk about the next appointment.  As she sat down, she prefaced the entire conversation with “This is somewhat uncommon, but I have to share it with you because we see it’s there.   Just know that 99% of the time, it’s nothing.  I hate that I even have to share it with you…” and proceeded to inform us that there was a cyst on our baby’s umbilical cord.  99% of the time, this is nothing when spotted this early on, but in that rare 1%, it can mean chromosomal abnormalities that can be fatal to the pregnancy.  I immediately filled back up with fear and worry that something was wrong and I was doomed to experience loss again.  She did everything she could to say the right things and told me that most likely, this would be gone at our next scan.  We could do additional genetic testing if we wanted and we left with some things to think about and pray on.

I spent 2 weeks praying and pleading to God that this cyst would be gone at the next scan.

At 10 weeks, I again sat in the waiting room, as nervous as the last time.  I took consolation in all of pregnancy symptoms I had been feeling, but I still worried for my baby’s health.  As I laid on the table again, waiting to see our little one, the tech this time did all the measuring and not as fun stuff to start off with.  I couldn’t see my baby and I couldn’t see their heartbeat.  After a couple of minutes (that felt like an eternity) she finally directed the waves towards baby.  As she measured the size, I frantically looked for the heartbeat.  Because of my many scans, I’m pretty good at seeing what it is we’re looking at on the screen.  I can point out the lining, ovaries & follicles pretty easily. Not that this a very useful ability, but I’m pretty good at seeing the baby and their makeup as well!  But this time, I was struggling to see that flickering heart.

And then I saw it.  And just as I saw it, Eric spoke up that he wasn’t seeing it and needed confirmation from the tech that the heart was indeed beating.  He had apparently been having a silent freak out inside, just like me!  The tech quickly assured us both that the heart was indeed beating and was strong, 176 again!  She also confirmed that the cyst appeared to no longer be there and all was good!

I visited with the same PA again and reviewed the final first trimester directions.  I was “graduating” from the RE program at that visit.  I would do all of my follow ups with my regular OBGYN from there on out.  My RE was not around to say our “thank-you’s” and “goodbye’s” but hugs were shared with the PA and one of my favorite nurses who happened to be there.  I shed a few tears as I left the clinic. These amazing doctors, nurses, techs and even the receptionist have become like a 2nd family to me!  (Granted, I don’t want to have to use their services ever again!!!)

Today, my 12 week appointment.  Eric and I got to the clinic a little early.  As we walked into the hospital, Eric immediately headed to our RE clinic doors on the first floor.  I walked to the elevators and hit the arrow indicating “up”.  He smiled and said “Oh yeah, we get to go this way today!”  It’s been so long since we could use the envied elevators 🙂

We sat in the waiting room, doing just that.  I whispered to Eric “Are you nervous?”  It was hard to know how we would feel sitting in that waiting room again.  Just as he began to answer, we were called back.  We met with the nurse and someone else about any insurance questions we may have and then eventually back to the patient room to wait for my doctor.  When she came in, she immediately congratulated us on being here again and expressed her genuine happiness to have us back to this point.  We reviewed my medical history since the miscarriage.  The many surgeries, all the failed transfers and where we were at now mentally and emotionally.    She sweetly apologized for everything we’ve been through and for all it’s taken for us to get back to this point again.  She did her best to say consoling things, bringing value and importance to Isaiah, and hope for a healthy pregnancy this go around.  She was quick to tell us our chance of miscarriage at this point is less than 1%, but she understood that until I’m holding that baby in my arms, I won’t feel comfortable with that 1%.

She got out her hand held ultrasound device early in the appointment and we watched our blessing wiggling, kicking and moving around like crazy!  We saw the flickering heart instantly and the relief I felt again was overwhelming. We took extra time just watching and smiling quietly at the 2nd life moving inside of me. I can’t yet feel him or her, but the comfort in seeing their activity is more than I can describe.

So that’s where we’re at and how we’ve gotten here!  I feel great about a good check up today, but know that as the days go by before the next appointment, the anxiety will begin to build.  I pray daily that this pregnancy will be different, that God won’t allow another life to be lost and for our family to have to go through that again.  I know that God gives us strength for every challenge we may face in life, but I continue to pray He won’t face us with that again.  I can’t say with certainty, that I would come out looking the same as I did the last time.  I will just continue to lean into the hope that God has good in store for us and trust that His plan for our future holds so many blessings.

The dreaded end of summer is upon us and I honestly have no idea where it went!  Lincoln has started kindergarten {mom had watery eyes, but no tears spilled over!}, the leaves are changing color and life keeps going just as fast as ever!

It’s been over a month since I was last at my fertility clinic.  I haven’t gone that long without a doctor visit or lab draw or something for over a year!  No communication with my doctors office, no extra hormones in my system, just cut off cold turkey from it all.  As odd as it might sound, this feels so foreign to me.  For nearly 2 years, I’ve been so scheduled and so monitored that now not having those regular appointments, seems strange.

Adjusting to this new normal has been nice, however my mind has not been able to shut off the thoughts of a baby and adding to our family.  I’ve tried to shift focus to family, work and living in the present but this is proving to be difficult.  I can’t help but wonder about our future and when the “right time” to try again will be.  I haven’t been able to figure out how to turn off this drive to becoming a mommy again.  Maybe I never will.  As difficult as it is to go through the infertility treatment, I find myself wanting to be back there again.

A part of me wonders if it’s because it was my normal for so long?  Or is it because I just keep wanting to fight to control my situation?  I want so badly to keep “moving forward” but feel like God is still telling me I need to “stay put”.

Each pregnancy announcement I hear still holds a little sting.  Every post of a healthy new baby brings me back to my loss and stirs jealousy inside of me that I wish would go away.    I see Isaiah in each of those newborn photos and want so badly to snuggle my sweet angel.

This past week, a co-worker of my husbands shared something so powerful with him. She had been praying for us on her drive to work and she felt something nudging her to tell Eric what God was putting on her heart.  She was nervous to tell him and afraid it might come off “weird”, but she couldn’t shake that feeling that she needed to share it.  She felt God telling her that our family would be alright and that our home would be filled with laughter.  Hearing this brought tears to my eyes, it meant so much.  I realize this does not mean we are necessarily destined to have another child, but rather it was a reminder of exactly what she said: that we will be alright and our home, our current family, is enough to be joyful with.  What brought me to tears was knowing we are still in the thoughts and prayers of others and God is still providing strength and courage through others when we are feeling low.  It was exactly what I needed to hear from someone I hardly know.

For now, I’ll continue to adjust to this new normal and do my best to listen to what God is putting on my heart as well as the hearts of others.

As you all know, we have had a rough couple years.  Attempting to become a mommy again has proved to be the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through with failure after failure, a crushing loss and what feels like bad news around every corner.  But in it all, I have been so grateful and done my best to remember just how blessed I have already been to become a mommy to our son, Lincoln.

Last night I was reminded how fortunate we have been with our son in the last couple of years.  While we have been facing failure, loss, doctor appointment after doctor appointment, surgeries and health concerns for me, Lincoln has been his healthy, happy self.  He’s thriving at school, growing like a weed, and fills more and more of my heart every day.  I love this little man more than words can say and when things aren’t going my way on the fertility front, I always know I still have him and I am still a mommy to the most incredible little boy.

But last night, a new fear entered my mind.  Last night we found ourselves being turned away from the acute care and sent right over to the ER because of some swelling on Lincoln’s neck.  Last night, the thoughts of “what if something happened to my strong little man” and memories of our last rotten 20 months flooded in my mind.

Last week Saturday, we purchased our neighbor’s full size trampoline and their grown children would no longer be using.  Lincoln was PUMPED!!!!  Now, I had my motherly  concerns for injury on the trampoline, but at 5 years old, I didn’t figure Linc would be doing any crazy jumps or back flips and it would be another great source of exercise combined with fun for him.

Within the first few hours of it being in our backyard, he had fallen wrong on his neck and complained that it hurt.  Mom was gone, dad was home, and dad made the right call to stop the jumping and go inside.  Lincoln isn’t one to complain about not feeling well or when something hurts so when he does complain, we know he must really be feeling it.

He complained about his neck a few more times over the next couple of days, but for the most part he was a normal active 5-year-old boy, running all over the place.  Thursday morning he started to complain before going to school so I finally got a chiropractor appointment made for him for after school.

At the Chiro’s office, Lincoln was pretty nervous.  He’s never been to a chiro before and wasn’t quite sure what was going to happen to his sore neck.  When he took off his jacket to lay on the table, the chiro and I both spotted the swelling on his neck at the same time.  I kind of pulled a face and made a noise because of how bulged out it was, on the left side more predominately than the right.  He looked like a body builder that spent too much time working on his neck!  The most surprising part to me was how little he had been complaining and he was still moving and running around like normal.  Immediately I was concerned that this was bigger than a sore neck.  He was adjusted by the chiro on Thursday, followed by icing and a repeat visit on Friday morning.

Lincoln continued to complain sparingly, although we began to notice his energy seemed down and the swelling seemed to get worse.  He still ran no fever and never mentioned anything hurting other than his neck.  We started to see that his range of motion appeared limited.  By Saturday early evening we decided it was time to take him in.

Neither Eric nor I vocalized the fears each of us were running through in our minds.  In the last year we have heard of and known far too many children who have been touched by that ugly “C” word as well as other serious, complicated and rare diseases.  Because of this and all the other tragedy that has been our lifestyle in the last several months, we were primed for our minds to go there with our son.  As we sat in the waiting room, neither of us would utter that fear, but we each knew it was there.  A part of me told myself I was over reacting, Lincoln was acting fine mostly, we should have just saved the ER charge and gone to see his PCP on Monday.  But the mommy in me would spare no expense to find out what was ailing my baby.

The ER was packed when we got there and we knew it was going to be a long wait.  Lincoln watched Netflix to pass the time and after about 30 minutes, my sister-in-law {who happens to be one of the best ER/Flight nurses Sanford has….maybe I’m biased!} stopped by.  She wasn’t working that shift, but she came to the waiting area to check on us and Lincoln anyways.  She immediately noticed the swelling and could see Lincoln wince when pressure applied to his sweet little neck.  She checked over his back, spine and neck.  Everything really seemed ok.  Then she checked his throat….there wasn’t much for an airway!  His tonsils looked inflamed and his throat {what could be seen} was red.  She obviously could not tell me what was going on, tests would need to be ran, but it was evident his body was fighting something.  She put my mind at ease, I began to think this is maybe unrelated to the fall on the trampoline and something bacterial and would be very treatable.  We continued to wait and wait and wait.

About 40 minutes later we were finally being called back.  Lincoln was tired and had tears in his days, saying that he just wanted to go home.  He was bored and he was anxious about what they would be doing there after this long.  He had a staph infection on his finger a couple of months ago that popped up out of nowhere.  One night it hurt and the next he was getting his finger cut open because it was so puffy and swollen and full of infection.  He was tough and braved the slice with no numbing, but that didn’t leave him with much trust in doctors, nurses and this type of facility.  Before we left for the acute care, we had assured him they would not be cutting anything and no shots, maybe just X-rays.

The PA visited us several minutes later, got our story, and began checking him over.  She too was concerned over the swelling around his neck.  She looked in his mouth and agreed that was a lot of swelling, more like bulging, around the back of his throat, and a small airway.  She confirmed no fever again and he still was not complaining of anything other than his neck.  She swabbed down his throat and looked at us concerned.  She hoped this was something infectious, but she really didn’t know at this point.  She explained that they would need blood work and run the mono and strep tests, but likely a CT scan would be necessary of his neck with contrast.  This would require an IV.  My heart sank because I knew this meant a needle, which proved us to be liars in the eyes of our scared son.

The PA left the room and we explained to Lincoln what they needed to do.  The alligator tears flowed immediately, the fear and the anxiety was through the roof.  He wanted to go home, he did not want to be here and he did not want them to touch him. We did our best to explain the facts and then distract his mind with the movie that was playing.  The nurses came back in and on queue the tears began flowing.  I sat Lincoln on my lap as I spread out on the bed with him to try to calm him down.  At first he refused his arm to the nurse, he wasn’t going to be brave.  Reluctantly he eventually gave it over.  The nurse explained to him what she would do, and that he needed to be brave.  Through his tears I asked that he recite one of his memory verses with me. He did so with gritted teeth and hot, streaming tears.

“Be Strong and Courageous!  Do not be afraid!  For the Lord, my God, goes with you.” ~Deuteronomy 31:6

I tried to use this fear filled situation {for both he and I} as a teachable moment.  To remind all of us that God is in control and He is bigger than this pain, this fear, this trouble.  Whatever the outcome, He would go with us.

Soon the needle was in.  I tried to shield Lincoln’s eyes and distract him, but he watched with disgust as they drew back the syringe and the blood filled the vile.  He angrily questioned the nurse why she was doing this, what was she doing?  He screamed that she was hurting him and then turned that anger back on us, his parents, chosen by God to protect him.  Why were we allowing this???  I had no answers that would be satisfactory to him. I sat there holding my sweet boy, wishing they were doing this to me instead of him.  The idea of all the children and parents who deal with this on a regular basis went through my head.  I prayed that this would be our one and only visit to the ER with him, that this would not be our normal like it is for so many others.  After the nurses left, he said to us through sobs, “I hate them!” meaning the nurses.  We did our best to explain  they were doing their job, that they were trying to find out why his neck hurts.  But our 5-year-old didn’t care about that, he cared about the emotional scar they were leaving and in his book, they were the bad guys.

Fast forward {because this is getting long…it felt like an eternity!} and we were being taken back for the CT scan.  Lincoln was of course anxious about this and fearful of what it would entail.  We explained that they were going to take pictures and that this would not hurt.  I was allowed to stay with him with my own protective vest on, and we talked through more tears and more fear while the imagines were being captured.

We were wheeled back to the room and told it would be about 90 minutes before the results were in from the scan.  We buckled in for a long wait.  Lincoln very quickly fell asleep.  His poor body was fighting something and he was exhausted from the crying, the emotional fighting, the whole experience.  As he slept, Eric and I watch our peaceful fighter, breathing in and out.  The ugly thoughts creeped back in.  Eric and I acknowledged that we were not going to verbalize the worst, but that we were both fearful of it.  We joked about our family being frequent flyers at Sanford between myself and Lincoln, but then somberly thought of families who watch their children endure this stuff regularly.  There is castle full of small soldiers on the same campus, fighting their battles.  Their parents likely showing no weakness on the front lines, but silently praying all the while.  I prayed that we would not be admitted and would soon be going home.

An eternity later, the PA came back in with a smile on her face.  I breathed a sigh of relief to see her smile, knowing it was good news.  Lincoln’s WBC was at 19,500, he had an obvious infection.  The mono test was clear but strep was positive.  The CT scans ruled out the worst of the worst and thankfully there was no abscess to drain.  His lymph nodes were swollen but with treatment should go down.  We were given a script for amoxicillin, some Motrin for Linc before we left, and instructions to follow-up with our PCP on this.  She expressed the importance over and over for following up because we caught it now, but it could get worse and it could lead us right back there if we weren’t on top of things.

I thanked God for our results, prayed for quick healing for Lincoln and we were finally heading home.

Last night I was reminded how precious being mommy is to me.  I would do anything for my son and to see him hurting and scared, killed me inside for those hours.  I was reminded that while we continue to try to grow another little human,  not to overlook that I am a mommy already.  I was reminded how fortunate we are to have a 5-year-old who has experienced very little sickness and injury in his life.  I was reminded to be strong and courageous, not afraid, for my God goes with us always, through the good and the bad.

Today I’m praying thanks again to our God for educated people able to detect this stuff and medicine to heal it.  I’m praying healing for those who are sick, who may not have answers to why, and the parents of children who battle the unspeakable day in and day out.  The Lord my God goes with you.