Infertility Support – Page 3

Wow, it’s the middle of December already, where did the time go! It’s been awhile since I’ve put out any update into the world on our journey. That’s mostly been because I have had little to no ambition or extra energy to put towards anything…not even typing on a keyboard!

I’ve had 2 appointments since my last blog. We followed up with our RE’s office back the week of Thanksgiving and got to see our precious miracle at 9 weeks. It’s crazy the changes made from 6 to 9 weeks and you can even start to see he or she taking shape and resembling a human! Everything looked great at this appointment, we heard a strong heartbeat at 174 beats/minute, and we were finally released from the care of their office and sent on to follow up with our regular OB doctor. This was such a great feeling!

Yesterday, we went in for our 12 week appointment with our new doctor. It felt strange going up the elevators to the 3rd floor rather than heading into our fertility clinic’s office on the first floor. We’ve become so accustomed to that clinic, the receptionist, the nurses and other staff. The 3rd floor was a whole new world with brand new faces to learn, but a welcomed change 🙂

We didn’t get the full blown ultrasound like we were used to so I don’t have pictures to share and we also didn’t get to hear the heartbeat, but our doctor did use one of those handheld U/S devices to check on our little bug. It was incredible and brought tears to my eyes. We could see baby’s head and legs and arms and he or she was even quite active and moved around a lot, showing off just how amazing they are already! Lincoln smiled from ear to ear watching his sibling, seeing their fast heartbeat working in their little body and dancing around inside of me.

I’m left still just in awe of the whole process. The last year has been long and tough, I didn’t think I would ever be blessed to carry life inside of me again. We considered giving up at times, being content with our son, but I’m so thrilled that we didn’t! I must admit though, it still feels surreal to me that I’m pregnant, that it finally worked and that I’m coming to the end of my first trimester….God is good!

With that said, all I want for Christmas this year, is the time with my family. I turn 32 this week, my son turns 5 next week, and then soon after we begin another year! How did that happen!??!! Time just flies and I wish I could slow it all down and remember every moment before it’s gone. This year I am so grateful for everything God has blessed our family with and I’m just looking forward to the seeing God’s plan unfold in 2017!

Wishing you a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and the peace that only our Savior can provide!!!

Ever since learning that IVF was going to be our only option, Eric and I have been very open with family and friends about our journey and the ups and downs. We chose to put ourselves out there and let our struggle be known to others in hopes that they would surround us with their support and prayers. This is exactly what happened when we made that decision over 5 years ago with our first IVF attempt, but it was still a scary choice to make and a burden that many couples choose to keep private, and that’s okay.

We struggled in silence for over 2 years. I shared with my mom that we hoped to get pregnant soon, but not the full extent of the frustration, the sadness, the hurt and the embarrassment of it not happening. When friends would ask when we planned to have kids, we nonchalantly shrugged it off as if we weren’t in any rush and our answer was typically “oh, when it happens it happens”. With every baby announcement we put on our pretend happy face and then cried behind closed doors. No one from the outside knew how much it hurt to see other’s success in this arena. I remember feeling like their pregnancy made my own less likely, like there was a quota on pregnancies for the year and if I didn’t get mine in, I’d be out of luck. I knew that wasn’t the case, but just felt left behind.

We started seeking fertility assistance about 1 1/2 years after were got married. After a year of that not working, we stepped up our game with the Reproductive Endocrinologist {fertility specialist} and found out the news I anticipated, that IVF was likely our only option. I’ve shared this experience and story in The Miracle That is My Son, so I won’t go into all those details, but discovering the seriousness of our fertility situation, I knew I couldn’t keep going through it in silence. I knew I needed to enlist my family and friends for prayer through the upcoming weeks and months. This made our decision to share our very personal struggle easier, and becoming vulnerable became a blessing.

When we finally shared with our family and friends what the situation was and what we were facing, we were overwhelmed with “I had no idea” and “I’m so sorry you have to go through this” and lots of “We’ll be praying”. Their prayers, kind words, and attempts to understand made the whole process easier for me and even though none of them had been in my shoes exactly, I didn’t feel alone anymore.

When we began going through this all again last year, we held off sharing for a couple of months. We had hoped {and expected} that IVF would work the first time and that we could actually share our pregnancy news to our friends and family AFTER we were pregnant {like most couples get to} and surprise everyone. But I again found myself wanting to share, needing those prayers and support surrounding us like before.

I’ve met some incredible women through this journey and discovered other friends that I otherwise would not have known, were struggling with this same battle. These women have reached out to me because I’ve been so open and shared my story along the way this last year. I’m so grateful that they feel they can trust me with this painful piece of their everyday lives and I pray for each of them to find comfort through it.

Many of these women wonder how I can share, especially with the 4 failed IVF’s we went through. My response is that it’s a personal decision and my choice may not be the right choice for them. I know that by sharing, it better helps others understand how I’ve becoming who I am and lets be real, we all struggle with something in our life and that’s relatable! Some of my friends may not all be infertile like me, but they have all struggled with something. Being vulnerable makes us human, not less than, and I have found so much support and deepened friendships, through it.

I hope that in sharing my journey, those who have never been through infertility, might see a glimpse of what that pain looks like. That they could become more aware and realize there may be others they know suffering in silence. Please be sensitive in what you say to others because infertility is more common than you might think.

I also pray that in my openness, those I may know {or not yet know} also walking through this, could find some comfort in my story and feel less alone. Whether you have made that decision to share or are keeping it to yourself, realize there are others out there who have been where you are. You don’t have to go through it alone and someone else can relate to what you’re feeling.

God has a purpose and plan for every good and painful thing in your life. I have grown as a person because of this struggle. I have cried, been angry, and felt it was unjust, but I know I am who I am because of the struggles I’ve faced. I am where I am because God wants me here and you are too, wherever that might be, in whatever situation you find yourself! He is bigger than your hurt and can use it for good if you will let Him!