It’s been a few years since I’ve journaled here. As cliche as I know it sounds, life has been busy with 2 very active and involved kids!! I am constantly reminding myself that I willingly {and prayerfully} signed up for a lot of the chaos that these boys bring into my daily life!!! The running around, the fighting, the challenging conversations {how do I have a teenager already 😐 ??!!??} and everything in between! I’m also counting my blessing, remembering the days that I prayed for the things I have today. It is never lost on me how God’s plan has unfolded and been so much better than the one I had dreamed up when we began our journey to parenthood over a decade and a half ago….

Before I get into the “club” I’ve recently been thrown into, a quick update on our embabies for any readers who may wonder what ever happened to those frozen blessing!!! The twins are healthy, happy and thriving! We are so grateful to be able to be in open communication with their parents, getting updates multiple times a year, sharing photos as they grow and Christmas cards each season!! Hearing about their developing personalities and knowing the stubborness of our boys, they are in our prayers regularly as parents :)!!! Our genetics created talented, kind, beautiful children, but they’ve got some strong-willed little humans on their hands if the “nature” is stronger than the “nurture”!!!!

If you recall, there were 5 viable embryo’s that we adopted out to the same family. They have the twins and are now currently expecting their 3rd child in 2025 with the last of the 5 embryo’s!!! Again….God’s plan is always better than our own. I would have NEVER dreamt that this would or even could be a part of our story and purpose in life!

Like I mentioned before, we have a teen in the house now! Lincoln turned 13 in December. As anyone with teen’s know, there are so many emotions and changes going on, sometimes on an hourly basis! Overall, Lincoln is a fantastic kid. He is thriving at his academics despite his dyslexia, has a very quick witted sense of humor like his father, enjoys Fortnight and COD like most boys his age, loves youth group on Wednesday nights and is currently busy with club basketball season, club baseball practice, private baseball lessons and agiligty and strength training. Needless to say, we are running somewhere every.single.night for him!!!

Everson is in kindergarten and loving it. He is a social butterfly (more than his brother) and has a true heart of emapthy for others. He feels all of the feels and is very perceptive to those around him. He is my snuggle buddy and has such a big heart for others. He is currently in his “off season” but will be starting soccer soon, followed by baseball this summer and looking forward to his first year of flag football in the fall. Eric and I have never been soccer parents so it’s new territory for us but we love seeing him do what he loves!

Now to provide an update to my personal story, something causing me great anxiety and if I’m honest, some fear and oddly enough, guilt. About a month ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer…there I said it. If I’m honest, it’s hard to “admit” for me. I’m filled with many emotions and thoughts about this relevation but I think the biggest one currently is shock that this is now part of my story.

To summarize, I turned the big 4-0 in December. If I’m honest, I was looking forward to this milestone. 39 was probably one of my least favorite years for a whole plethora of reasons, too much to get into here and ultimately not the point of this post. I was looking forward to closing the chapter on my 30s and starting clean in 40. 11 days after turning 40, I had my very first mammogram. Not knowing exactly what to expect but being prepped that I would likely get a call back {many first timers do} I wasn’t even alarmed when I received the call that I need more images. I did my follow up mammogram which was scheduled for 30-40 minutes and thought nothing of it.

Nearly 2 hours later, I was meeting with the radiologist and hearing him tell me there were some “concerning spots” on my scans and ultra sound. I was going to need a couple of biopsies to determine exactly what they were seeing and rule out breast cancer if possible. I remember being in shock and not really understanding what he was telling me but also not feeling like it would actually be anything serious. Lots of women older than myself have follow up biopsies that come back completely normal and I FULLY expected to be one of those women….I’m only 40!!! I left the hospital with a date set for the biopsies…over 30 days out was as quick as they could get me in 😦 !! I didn’t want to wait that long and with the help and insight of a friend, was encourage to self refer myself to another medical provider in town that would be able to get me in a couple of weeks sooner {BIG thank you to said friend!!}.

Fast forward to biopsy day. I wasn’t telling anyone outside of said friend, my immediate family {besides the boys} and a couple of my co-workers. I didn’t want to cause undue concern and I really didn’t want all the questions of “how are you doing”. I needed to wait as I was still unaware and ignorant of what this was really looking to be. Prior to my biopsy that morning, we meant with a nurse practitioner who reviewed my scans from the other medical facility since I hadn’t met with anyone at this 2nd facility yet. As she showed us those images and went through what she & the surgeon were seeing, it began to sink in that this was very likely what I thought wasn’t possible….cancer 😦 Eric finally asked what we were both thinking but I was too afraid to ask , “How serious is this really??? Do we actually need to be worried that the results will come back with what you’re saying it could be.”. Her response was sensitive but chilling at the same time. It was simply “This is very serious and you need to be prepared for that. If it wasn’t so serious, we wouldn’t be doing multiple biopsies today.” It hit me in the gut and the tears were soon to follow. Essentially it no longer felt like it was a matter of “if”, it was a matter of how far spread these abnormal cells were and had it invaded anywhere or is it contained still.

I waited 6 agonizing days for the biopsy results!!! It gave me time to wrap my head around the likely positive diagnosis, but also time to pray that God would perform a miracle and surprise us all, including the doctors and nurses. During this time we continued to keep it close to the chest and shield our boys from the fear that was going on in the back of our minds.

When I finally received the call with the results, I at least felt like I was prepared for the answer. I had had time to think about what I might want to do as far as treatment goes. The official diagnosis is DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ) and is an early stage, non-invasive form of breast cancer. Although it is technically cancer, it’s stage 0 and if you’re going to get breast cancer, it’s the one you want to get! This is my silver lining in all of this!!

That night, we had to tell the boys. This was what I was dreading most. I had done lots of crying and praying and was still in shock myself, I didn’t know how to break this news to my adolescent children and no one should ever have to 😦

It’s been nearly 4 weeks now since I received the news. We’ve met with a couple of different surgeons who’ve both had the same exact opinion for treatment and positive outlook to the situation. Although the cancer appears to be completely contained to the milk ducts of my right breast, it also appears to be somewhat close to the skin. It is unlikely that I will need chemotherapy {I feel so fortunate about that!} but whether I will need radiation will be determined after the pathology comes back from the surgery. The option of a lumpectomy is not on the table for me as again, even though it’s contained to the ducts, it’s all over and so a lumpectomy would not be practical for me. My only real option was a full mastectomy of the right breast with the choice of doing a bi-lateral just to reduce the chance of this being something I could deal with (although unlikely) down the road on the other side. The left side did show some calcifications, but nothing oddly shaped or extensive like the right side. At the time of surgery, they will also remove a few lymph nodes and test those to ensure no cancer has spread to those nodes. Assuming those come back clean, chemo should not be necessary and this is what we are praying for and fully expecting to be the case. If the margins are clean (cancer in the breast tissue not too close to the skin) I should also be able to avoid radiation. Then it will be a discussion of if I will need the “cancer pill” or not for the next 5 years. But, one step at a time is what I keep reminding myself of.

This was a huge curveball to start my 2025. Again, I was looking forward to a new page and a clean start in my 40’s. I didn’t expect that my very first mamogram would take me here. When I asked how long this cancer has maybe been inside me, one surgeon thought possible 3-5 years already. DCIS is a very slow moving cancer and as long as it’s caught while still in the ducts, it is not life threatening and very, very treatable!!! PSA – I CANNOT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH, DO YOUR ANNUAL, PREVENTATIVE SCREENING!!!!!

The last year has been a lot of “pruning” in my life. Relationships that weren’t serving me in a positive way, self discovery and realization of things and people I needed to cut from my life to be able to improve in myself and a wake up call to seek my Maker in the little things and the big things. It’s once again a reminder that God allows things in your life that feel hard and overwhelming but ultimately make you stronger, so that you can be prepared when curveballs like cancer come your way and put the hard {but ultimately trivial} things in life into perspective. It has been a needed reminder that not everything and everyone that feels “good” and “safe” are actually those things. It’s OK and healthy to let go of them when they become toxic. I can honestly say I’m grateful for the hardships I faced in 2024 because they have provided perspective and strength to go through this next life experience I never asked for.

I would covet your prayers as I sit in waiting until surgery which is scheduled for the end of April. It will be a 2 part surgery with quite a bit of down time in between. Much more downtime than I would like as this will mean limited weight lifting ability and worst of all…no hot yoga!!!! Hot yoga has become a physical and mental outlet for me so prayers that I am able to find a new outlet during that time might be needed for my mental health more than anything else!! On the upside, it will be baseball season so pouring into my boys even more and soaking up all the time at the ball park may be just what I need :)!

Thanks in advance for your care, concern and positive vibes and prayers. I know this bump in the road will serve a purpose and my prayer is I use it for His glory!