14+ weeks and it feels like an eternity since I discovered our pregnancy!  One benefit of going through IVF is knowing you’re pregnant almost immediately!  One disadvantage of going through IVF is knowing you’re pregnant almost immediately!  As if the 1st trimester isn’t long enough with all of the hormones, nauseousness, exhaustion and on and on and on, knowing this very exciting news so early on, makes the 1st trimester feel like a condition that will never end!  Not that I’m complaining, because I’m certainly not, but I am happy to have moved into the 2nd trimester now! And with that, I’m feeling better physically, able to work out a bit and getting a little bit of my energy back {for now}!

I shared on my Facebook page about a week ago, that we are 95% certain on the gender of our little one!!!!  I didn’t anticipate learning of this news until our 20 week ultrasound, but was pleasantly surprised when our latest ultrasound revealed a very telling couple of scans!!!

Before I make any big announcement, I’ll go through some of the housekeeping details and the reason for this very telling appointment 🙂

I’m sure most of you are familiar with the First Trimester Screening that they offer nowadays.  They’ve offered this for many, many years already so it’s nothing new, but it was new for us.  We were offered this with our pregnancy with both Lincoln and Isaiah and each time turned it down.  The screening is primarily to measure baby’s growth and a few other things, to determine the likelihood of Downs Syndrome and/or Trisomy 18.  We passed on this in our last pregnancies simply because we knew it wouldn’t change anything for us if the results came back likely that our baby had one of these conditions.  We would love our child just how God created them to be!

Our outlook on this changed some after loosing Isaiah.  We still knew that if the results came back that Downs Syndrome and/or Trisomy 18 was highly likely for baby, that this would not change our love for this little miracle.  We would never terminate the pregnancy due any condition, but we also knew we wanted to be prepared and if anything else could be spotted that may be alarming or need further attention, we wanted to know about it and be proactive.  But plain and simple, I want to see this babe and their flickering heart, as often as possible throughout my pregnancy!!!

We went into the appointment knowing we could find results that were life changing and not what we had envisioned for our child’s future outside of the womb.  We also went in with the fear that our baby may not have a heart beat anymore and we could be scheduling another induction for a miscarriage.  That reality is never far from my mind leading into any type of appointment.  I’m always thinking one step ahead and looking at my schedule, determining if I will be able to easily move things around on my calendar for an unexpected delivery and recovery.  It certainly strips away a lot of the excitement one would expect to feel before a prenatal visit.

We met first with the genetic counselor and reviewed both our histories.  Both Eric and I have pretty boring genetic makeups, which is a good thing!  I’ve said it before, on paper, there is no indication as to why we can’t get pregnant on our own and also no knowing why Isaiah didn’t make it to our arms alive.  But we reviewed this all again, just the same.

Then came the fun part, our 15-20 minutes looking at our baby!

The ultrasound tech was new to us, she was not familiar with our history and situation like all the tech’s at the reproductive clinic we are used to.  She didn’t know about the anxiety I had building all day and night.  She wasn’t aware of my ability to see more than the average woman on those ultrasound scans.  She didn’t see me holding my breath as I searched for the heartbeat.

But it was there instantly!  I didn’t need to search for the beautiful flicker because it showed up right on queue, plain as day, and lit up the screen for me!  Throughout the entire scan, it was almost all I could look at, that marvelous flickering organ!  Our baby continued to have a pulse and be alive and that was my biggest concern that day!

The tech went through all of the many angles and measurements and scans that were needed for the screening.  She was quick to assure us that everything looked great as far as she could see!  She then asked us if we were going to find out the gender when that time came.  I assumed she was making small talk and answered quickly that yes, we would find out as soon as we could.  This was followed by silence and I began to wonder, could she possibly tell??  I was only 13 weeks 3 days along, baby couldn’t possibly be big enough to reveal their gender to us, could they?  So I anxiously asked!

She continued to scroll the wand over my abdomen and said she would try for us at the end of the scan.  As long as baby would cooperate, she may be able to tell.  She said the boy parts are discoverable depending on the “angle of the dangle” and girl parts are typically very swollen at this stage due to all the hormones, and makes it able to determine the gender….as long as baby cooperates 😉  She did warn us that it could be inaccurate and that we probably were best off not going out and buying too many gender specific items…just incase.

I began getting really excited and hopeful that we could learn this special secret so early!  I wanted to be able to narrow down my name list to just one sex!

Baby was moving around like crazy.  They alway are moving around like crazy, at every scan we’ve had they are an active little bean!  What does this mean for the future?!?!

When the time finally came that the tech could pay special attention for those special parts, baby didn’t want to move anymore {of course}!  She angled the wand differently and gently poked on my belly to see if she could get them to move.  After a couple of minutes of this, she informed us disappointedly we may not yet get to learn what baby is.  And then, baby moved!  We could easily make out the spread legs and she pointed out the area revealing our baby’s gender.  She was 80% sure on what what she was seeing, which felt pretty confident to us!  Then, baby moved a little more, making it much clearer and easier to see what we thought we were seeing!!!  Her estimate bumped up to 95% confidence on the gender!

I watched our baby squirm and dance on the screen in front of us and tears began to stream down the sides of my face.  These were the happiest of tears!  I shared with the tech a little of our history and about our loss and just how good this scan made me feel!  She kept the wand on my stomach awhile longer so we could watch our growing child show off the incredible abilities they already have, my eyes glued to their heartbeat.  I said a silent prayer, thanking God that today was another good visit and prayed that this child would have a strong and healthy future ahead of them.

We left the 4th floor and I had to get a blood draw as well, back on the 1st floor.  The lab for this is right next to our fertility clinic.  As I checked in for the blood draw, one of the PA’s from the fertility clinic walked into the waiting room.  I had to show off our little one and tell her our exciting discovery.  She ushered me back through the back door of the fertility clinic and I was able to share my excitement with one of the other nurses working as well!  We hugged and smiled and they congratulated me over and over.  I was so happy to be able to share the news with the clinic staff, they’re a big part of this baby’s life too!

Speeding up now, everything came back stellar!  I had a follow up appointment with my OB this last Tuesday to review the results.  To be honest, it was more so that I could see & hear baby’s heartbeat again.  She had already shared the results with me via my online medical chart.  I just needed to see baby swimming around again and know that everything was still A-OK!

I’ll go back in a couple of weeks again for my 16 week checkup.  Not going to lie, this next one will be the most nerve-wracking for me.  If I can get beyond this next one, then maybe {MAYBE} some of my fear will subside.  Maybe I will be able to look forward to my appointments and feel a little safer.  Maybe I won’t loose sleep at night as often, if I can get over the 16-week hurdle in my head and heart.

So, you’re probably wondering, the gender of our growing baby??!!??