You probably read the title and figured I had some really exciting and surprising news to share!  Well, I do, but probably not what you’re thinking 🙂

Monday I had my follow up ultrasound to see how my lining and body responded to the extra hormones over the weekend.  Thankfully, most everything responded perfectly!  My lining went from a 2.4 on Friday to a 9.5 on Monday…..which is awesome news!!!  My levels looked mostly good but they did have me up some of the medications I’m on in preparation for transfer.

Transfer is set for Saturday morning…..YAY!!!!  I’m feeling so good to finally be at this point in the game.  I know there is a lot that still needs to go right, but the fact that we’re not being delayed again feels like a victory that I’m not taking for granted!!!

So why the title?

Well, the 40 week count for any pregnancy actually starts at the beginning of one’s cycle, therefore, I’m actually 2 1/2 weeks pregnant already 😉  The baby{babies} have been conceived, he/she/they just need to implant and continue growing!

Another crazy thing to think about is, these babies-in-the-making were actually conceived over a year ago!  Last September is when I did my last egg retrieval and a year ago on 10/8 is when we transferred Isaiah so technically these babes have a year of existence under their belt already….just in the frozen state.  Hopefully that means they are hardy and strong and able to make it through to the next stage!

I’m feeling more excited and hopeful then I expected based on our passed experiences.  I think a big reason is I know that no matter the outcome, all of this was in God’s plan and He has a purpose for it….even all the crap we’ve gone through to get here. I also have a sense of contentment with being a 3 person family, that I wouldn’t have expected, if that is the ultimate outcome.  I’m grateful for the hopeful feelings, but feel even more fortunate to have the contentedness in my heart.

Thanks again for all your prayers, messages and positive thoughts!  I appreciate it more than I can relay!!

“You will keep in perfect peace, all who trust in You, all who’s thoughts are fixed on You!” Isaiah 26:3

I’ve been through this play act so many times, it’s got to end eventually, right?!  But thus far, my efforts haven’t made the cut and I’m still standing here trying to get it right.  I’ve changed medications, regimen, diet, exercise…you name I’ve tried it and it all feels futile!

Incase you can’t tell by the title, we’re preparing for yet another transfer.  Still trying for a baby (Act 3), transferring 2 embryos we have frozen already (Scene 2) and our 7th attempt (Take 7) in the last 2 years.

It’s really disheartening when I read that back 😦  I can’t believe I’m still here 2 years later and that I’ve gone through this process 7 times…and I’m still going!!!!  I’m either really strong or really stupid…it just depends on who you ask I guess.  Which ever it is, I just don’t know how to quit when there is still that chance to bring home a baby.  So for now, we just keep going until we know we can’t.

Today I had my follow up appointment to check my lining and see if it’s cooperating this time.  The last 2 transfers have been cancelled due to lining issues so I went in to this appointment today expecting the worst but hoping for the best.  Unfortunately, we didn’t get what we hoped for.

Instead we found that my lining is still very thin.  I’m not left feeling overly confident, but it’s still early and so they’ve changed up my protocol again, added in some additional estrogen pills and shots to give me a boost, and I’ll follow up again on Monday morning to see how things progressed over the weekend.

My biggest fear is that come Monday, things haven’t improved enough and we have to delay again.  I’m at the point in this 2 year journey, that I just want to get off the ride!  I’ve come to terms that we may be a single kid family.  I can handle this. I feel forever fortunate to have the incredible son I have and beyond blessed to be a mom already.  But right now, I just feel stuck in limbo.  I want to move forward as a family of 3, but while those embryos are sitting in that freezer, I know I will just always wonder “what if” if we don’t thaw them and give it another try.  I wish I could skip to the end of the script, read the last chapter to see how it all plays out and prepare myself for my role in life moving forward, but I can’t….

Only the Director {God} knows how this one goes and how my story will unfold on Monday.  In the meantime, I’d really appreciate prayers that my body will respond as we hope and that I’m able to report good news after next week’s visit!