****Please be aware, I am sharing some very personal and to us, beautiful, photos of our precious son, Isaiah, in this blog.  We realize that these photos may be disturbing to some and so please do not scroll all the way through if you feel this may affect you.  Thank you for taking the time to care about our Isaiah and hear his story.

Isaiah Michael Reuer came into this world much too soon.  He weighed in at just 2.8 ounces and measured at 6.5 inches long!  He was already a tall little boy, similar to his big brother!  We enjoyed several hours with Isaiah’s body, had a photographer capture his perfect features, and he was snuggled by mom, dad, an auntie and grandma.  We shed tears, gave him smiles, and assured him he was perfect to us and we would always love him.

I am continually comforted by the life verse we chose for our baby boy, Isaiah 43:2.  This verse was shared with us on Wednesday morning by my aunt and was surely God using her to speak directly to us.

When I read this verse that morning, I knew that if our baby was a boy, his name would be Isaiah.  We had rushed to pick a name for our potential son, the evening before.  We were anticipating a girl. My pregnancy had been so different from the last and if I’m honest, we hoped for a little girl.  We have had a daughter’s name picked out for several weeks and had not really given much thought to anything else.  We went back to the list of names we had picked out several years prior, the list that we had ready incase Lincoln had a twin brother in there, and agreed to one of those “back up” names. {We had Lincoln’s name picked out years before we were blessed with Lincoln!} The name was not necessarily special, it held no significant purpose or place in our hearts.  But on Wednesday morning, when we needed some comfort and peace, God spoke to us using my aunt and through Isaiah 43 and provided that to us.

We envision our dear boy, laughing, running, and playing in Heaven.  My very first image of him was being greeted by my grandma, holding hands between her and my grandpa, and my sister Michelle loudly announcing to anyone and everyone who would listen, that her nephew Isaiah was there!  I know that he is surrounded in warmth, love and all things happy right now.  I know that Jesus is holding him while I can’t.  I know that one glorious day, we will be reunited and I can finally kiss him, hug him, and be with him for eternity.  I know that this pain I feel now, is only temporary, and that God will use it for His glory.

While we wait for that reunion, we are holding each other.  We are finding praises for God and begging for comfort.  We are so fortunate for our Lincoln and realize even more, how miraculous his life is and we know, God has such a big plan for him!  We are also thanking God for all of you, for your support and your prayers.  We know with all certainty, that we are getting through these days because of your prayers, because of your kind words and messages, because of your love for us and our family of 4.  We are hurting, but we will adjust to our new “normal” and though time may not completely heal this wound, it will help.

Lincoln is processing as well.  Yesterday we received a gift from a friend, the children’s version of Heaven is For Real.  We read this and looked at the beautiful pictures.  It brought some questions up for Lincoln, but he is fairly quick to move on.  I don’t think it’s out of avoidance, I think it’s purely because he’s 5 years old!  This morning he expressed a small amount of anger over the situation, asking why God “stole Isaiah”?  He was upset that God would “steal” him from us and he wanted to see Isaiah here, in our home.  He doesn’t quite understand how he could still be a big brother without a baby to show off.  Please keep him in your prayers. He was so excited to be a big brother finally and often would share with people that his mom was pregnant!  He’s already asked if we can try again, for another baby.

As I look forward into this next week, I’m not yet sure what it looks like for me.  Physically I’m still healing.  I have all the soreness you would expect after a delivery, just on a much smaller scale.  Today my milk came in {TMI for any of you guys, sorry!} which feels like such a cruel joke.  It is a reminder though, of how incredible God has created our bodies and that mine is responding like it should.  I guess that’s a good sign, but it still hurts!

Eric and I both have to face getting back into the routine of work and home life, without a growing baby belly.    We have swimming lessons, work schedules, school activities, and bills to pay.  Life moves on and so must we.

Isaiah Michael, you will never be forgotten and you are always in our hearts.  I feel blessed to have carried you for 16 weeks and we are fortunate to have held you in our arms for the few hours that we had.  You are loved and your short life is not insignificant, but rather holds a much bigger and beautiful purpose.  I’m honored to be your mommy always.