Ever since learning that IVF was going to be our only option, Eric and I have been very open with family and friends about our journey and the ups and downs.  We chose to put ourselves out there and let our struggle be known to others in hopes that they would surround us with their support and prayers.  This is exactly what happened when we made that decision over 5 years ago with our first IVF attempt, but it was still a scary choice to make and a burden that many couples choose to keep private, and that’s okay.

We struggled in silence for over 2 years.  I shared with my mom that we hoped to get pregnant soon, but not the full extent of the frustration, the sadness, the hurt and the embarrassment of it not happening.  When friends would ask when we planned to have kids, we nonchalantly shrugged it off as if we weren’t in any rush and our answer was typically “oh, when it happens it happens”.  With every baby announcement we put on our pretend happy face and then cried behind closed doors.  No one from the outside knew how much it hurt to see other’s success in this arena.  I remember feeling like their pregnancy made my own less likely, like there was a quota on pregnancies for the year and if I didn’t get mine in, I’d be out of luck.  I knew that wasn’t the case, but just felt left behind.

We started seeking fertility assistance about 1 1/2 years after were got married.  After a year of that not working, we stepped up our game with the Reproductive Endocrinologist {fertility specialist} and found out the news I anticipated, that IVF was likely our only option.  I’ve shared this experience and story in The Miracle That is My Son, so I won’t go into all those details, but discovering the seriousness of our fertility situation, I knew I couldn’t keep going through it in silence.  I knew I needed to enlist my family and friends for prayer through the upcoming weeks and months.  This made our decision to share our very personal struggle easier, and becoming vulnerable became a blessing.

When we finally shared with our family and friends what the situation was and what we were facing, we were overwhelmed with “I had no idea” and “I’m so sorry you have to go through this” and lots of “We’ll be praying”.  Their prayers, kind words, and attempts to understand made the whole process easier for me and even though none of them had been in my shoes exactly, I didn’t feel alone anymore.

When we began going through this all again last year, we held off sharing for a couple of months.  We had hoped {and expected} that IVF would work the first time and that we could actually share our pregnancy news to our friends and family AFTER we were pregnant {like most couples get to} and surprise everyone.  But I again found myself wanting to share, needing those prayers and support surrounding us like before.

I’ve met some incredible women through this journey and discovered other friends that I otherwise would not have known, were struggling with this same battle.  These women have reached out to me because I’ve been so open and shared my story along the way this last year.  I’m so grateful that they feel they can trust me with this painful piece of their everyday lives and I pray for each of them to find comfort through it.

Many of these women wonder how I can share, especially with the 4 failed IVF’s we went through.  My response is that it’s a personal decision and my choice may not be the right choice for them.  I know that by sharing, it better helps others understand how I’ve becoming who I am and lets be real, we all struggle with something in our life and that’s relatable!  Some of my friends may not all be infertile like me, but they have all struggled with something.  Being vulnerable makes us human, not less than, and I have found so much support and deepened friendships, through it.

I hope that in sharing my journey, those who have never been through infertility, might see a glimpse of what that pain looks like.  That they could become more aware and realize there may be others they know suffering in silence.  Please be sensitive in what you say to others because infertility is more common than you might think.

I also pray that in my openness, those I may know {or not yet know} also walking through this, could find some comfort in my story and feel less alone.  Whether you have made that decision to share or are keeping it to yourself, realize there are others out there who have been where you are.  You don’t have to go through it alone and someone else can relate to what you’re feeling.

God has a purpose and plan for every good and painful thing in your life.  I have grown as a person because of this struggle.  I have cried, been angry, and felt it was unjust, but I know I am who I am because of the struggles I’ve faced.  I am where I am because God wants me here and you are too, wherever that might be, in whatever situation you find yourself!  He is bigger than your hurt and can use it for good if you will let Him!