I think it’s easy to forget about the men dealing with infertility in a relationship.  I know it was for me.  I was so consumed in my own feelings and negativity about it, that I rarely gave two thoughts about how Eric was dealing with things.  It was all about me because I was the one who wanted a baby….at least that’s how I acted.

Month after failed month, I would become more and more depressed about my situation.  I would complain and cry to Eric about how it wasn’t fair and how I just wanted it so bad!  I would feel sorry for myself, mope around, and then Google more ways to try to improve our odds of conception.  Eric slowly became more of a roommate and co-worker trying to get a job done with me rather than my husband and best friend.

Eric handled the situation the best he could.  He had never gone through this, he didn’t have the answers for me that I was so desperately searching for, but he was there with me.  He very rarely opened up about his own thoughts and feelings because I had enough negative emotions for the both of us.  I didn’t want to hear any of his optimistic bull crap and he knew it!!!!

And that’s where I failed.  I was so consumed in myself and my end goal, that I forgot about my husband and how he might be feeling.  I didn’t bother to ask how he was doing or even what he wanted.  I made the appointments, told him what we were going to do next, and we did it.

I remember after we found out we were pregnant, Eric finally felt comfortable enough to open up honestly to me.  He told me he didn’t think he’d ever could or would want to do IVF again.  Part of that was due to the financial cost, but just as big of a part was the emotional toll it took on him, myself and our marriage.  He didn’t want to ever go through that again….and finally felt safe enough to tell me that. {And look where we are now!!!}

Eric’s biggest concern after our first failed attempt last fall, was that I would go back to where I was emotionally.  That I would get consumed with becoming pregnant like I had been before.  This was a serious fear for him that he has expressed to me over and over and over again.

I’m happy to listen to this concern though.  I’m glad that he’s expressing his feelings, opinions, and thoughts about the process this time around.  I don’t want to diminish his experience and selfishly think that it’s just about me.  He’s right by my side going through this journey with me, having his own difficult emotions and feelings and trying to process through them.  I want to be the support for him that he was and is for me this time around.  I have to remember that he hurts too and it’s not just about me.

If you’re experiencing infertility, understand that your man wants to be a dad just like you want to be mom.  They too want a family, to play with their child or children, and to see you being the mommy that God gave you the desire to be.  Typically, men want to do whatever they can to make us women happy and not being able to “give” us a baby, is probably harder on them then we realize!  Don’t discount how your partner might be feeling and assume that you are hurting more.  The saying goes “misery loves company“.  Oddly enough, you might find comfort hearing that your husband is struggling too.